Kindergarten

Yesterday, John said, "I don't think kindergarten is my thing."  Of course, he hasn't started yet.  Tomorrow is the big day.

Tonight, we went to meet his teacher, Miss Lash.  It was my first time at his school.  We were going to send him to our neighborhood school, but found out mid-summer that our lottery number was drawn for a Spanish immersion program.  So, while the boys had gone to check it out, I had yet to lay eyes on the place.

As we entered the classroom, I had a bit of trouble finding Miss Lash. Brian finally had to point. She's about 25, tall, thin, hair down to her waist. Ostentatious eyelashes, appropriately, considering her name. We waited our turn to greet her while I fretted about what to write on the "Introduce Your Child To Me!" form we were asked to complete. I sized her up.  Miss Lash is stunning. She is fashionable and well spoken and friendly.  She had lots of fun stuff up on the walls.  The room was well organized and bright.  But her skirt was WAY too short. 

I really thought I'd be OK with this whole kindergarten thing. People kept asking me, morosely: "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," I'd say, confused. Why are they asking me this?

Well, I figured it out tonight as I hyperventilated in the parked car while the boys ran back in with the supplies.  Which, by the way, totalled nearly $100 and included 20 glue sticks and some watercolors you can only find at Michael's.

When we got home, John was even more excited and I was trying to fake it.  I thought maybe reading him a story would help me calm down.  He wanted Captain Underpants and Frankenfart vs. The Bionic Barf Bunnies from Diarrhealand.  It's not on the kindergarten-readiness book list they gave us, but I humored him, read the book, and kissed him goodnight.

And then I came to the dining room to re-read Miss Lash's introductory essay, which she printed on kindergarten stationery.  It has four paragraphs.  In the first paragraph, I was mostly concerned about this statement, "During the two years between my undergraduate and graduate work, I moved to New York City and wokred in the fashion industry in marketing and event planning." 

I became even more frazzled by the second paragraph, which started out, "While this is my first year teaching ..." 

Then I noted that she's studied Spanish since fourth grade and recently completed an immersion program in Costa Rica after completing her master's in elementary education from Vanderbilt.  I started to feel better. 

I kept reading and reading all the way down to the fourth paragraph.  You know what I was looking for, right?  Surely dear reader, you know by now that I read everything with a red pen within arm's reach. 

There was nothing.  Not one single comma mistake ... no typos ... zero instances of weird word choice or grammar ... nothing wrong ... not even anything awkward ... at all.  There were a few too many exclamation points in my opinion, but some might say that's appropriate for a kindergarten teacher.  Unlike her skirt.

Maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight after all.