Thursday, May 31, 2007

Every Thursday night after I read stories about tractors and Ms. Wishy-Washy and reading with your eyes shut, I descend the stairs and face my #1 menace: The Kitchen. Thursday night was tofu-stir-fry night until I boycotted two weeks ago and changed the ritual. Now it’s tofu and stir-fry with turnip greens from the garden night. Which is A LOT different, I’ll have you know. I used to come down and sort of sigh with regret about how my life has turned out. But then I discovered DELILAH. I bet you can find her too … just tune in to your local “Lite Rock” radio station. People: She’s. On. Every. Night. Folks call in and confess the awfullest things (yes, that is the superlative of “awful”). I used to really enjoy listening critically to the "101.1 The Beat" station which plays R&B and rap ... until I discovered DELILAH. I really think that rappers, despite their vulgarity, often have some fascinating lyrics. For example:

Watch out for my diamonds
They’re getting kinda reckless.
I feel like I got a midget
Hanging off my necklace.

That, to me, is very articulate in terms of explaining how one feel about gaudy jewelry. I myself think the same thing all the time about various pieces I have collected over the years. I have no idea who wrote or performed those lyrics.

Anywho …

The Paternal GPs are in Alaska for 12 days and from all the email and phone reports it’s going well. I have wanted to go to Alaska since 4th grade, because my teacher, Mrs. Lidell, had, at the beginning of the school year, just returned from her honeymoon there, and had brought back an amazing slideshow which we viewed on the first day of fourth grade. Nevermind that I puked up cafeteria hot dogs outside the classroom door just after the show was over. I still remember the glacier shots and moose and how she said, “Well goshlee, I didn’t know you were feeling sick.”

Right now, on Delilah, “If Ever Your in my Arms Again” is playing … requested by a man who called in to explain that in the past he worked too much and as a result lost his fiancĂ©e to a gambling problem. While she was in rehab, she met another man and he blames himself. So before the song played, Delilah explained to the caller the three Cs of addiction … you didn’t Cause it, you can’t Control it, and you can’t Cure it. Did I mention that she’s on every night?

We don’t have Cable.

Hmmm … let’s see … what else?

Oh! Our family! Yes. Well. There have been three major events to mark this past week:

First, the emergence of The Scooter from The Closet in the Foyer, which was given to him last September but by Auntie Amy, but hidden for over half a year until we were so desperate to entertain him that we would’ve let him use steak knives to carve out shapes in his play-doh. Luckily, there was a hidden toy! My advice to all new parents: Hide at least half of the birthday gifts (every year) and whip them out when you’re hard up.

The Scooter Hath Emerged from The Closet

The second important thing is that he got a haircut.

Barber Shop
The Dad has got a sweet setup for hair cuts. He bought an entire barber kit and thank goodness for "Dora Meets Diego at the Animal Rescue Center" because otherwise, he would just have to be shabby.

Finally, there was the Tuesday Canoe Float, which was our first float since last summer and was quite a success:

His Majesty's Canoe Throne
First, he had to check out his throne, which Brian rigged up from an old highchair seat. It was tied down with ropes and cushioned and even had arm rests.

Here's my worm
The put-in location is about half a mile from the take-out (how does that work???), so while The Dad drove Suzie Q to the parking lot, I had to entertain him with other floaters inflating their kayaks with foot pumps and by allowing him to play with one Fishing Worm. It ended up becoming two worms, if you know what I mean.

The Mom at the bow and a Fisherman in the middle
We rowed and he fished and clocked me in the head with that stupid Sponge Bob thing on the end of his pole, and thank goodness for kid's fishing poles with no hooks. We forgot to bring the hotpink net that he picked out.

canoeing -- wow, that has three vowels in a row!
He and The Dad did some other fishing as well, in the fly style.

sacked out on the riverbank
Then he and the other one sacked out for an hour on top of a quilt, on top of rocks, on the riverbank.

Post-nap (ontheriverbank) cookie
After the nap, the mood was so dark and low that we had to use cookies.

They dove in
After the nap, we attempted to paddle the last 2.5 miles, but ended up swimming most of it, at The Goose's request.

DSC00032.JPG...Eventually we coaxed him back into the boat with the promise of paddling privileges. Nevermind the white legs at the stern. The Dad came home from Wild Oats yesterday with a bottle of organic, paraben-free self tanner and now the problem is solved.

Currently, Phil Collins is singing his heart out and Delilah is talking over the track ... "relax, unwind, slow down and LOVE with me."

I'm hooked.

Tomorrow I have been invited to a former student's house for brunch. She has a son John's age, and two other former students with young children are coming as well. They asked me to bring pasta, so I'm gonna. Even though there are no pasta recipes in the BRUNCH section of my Best of Southern Living cookbook, I am improvising and bringing Capellini Pomodoro with a side of Oatmeal-Bran Muffins. Ah, the joys of international relations.

Otherwise, there's not much news except for my continued addiction to selling household items on Craig's List. School starts back next week, so hopefully I can return to normal and stop cleaning ridiculous things in my spare time (like using a 10% bleach solution on the skid-preventing leg covers of our dish rack and the grooves of all of our spice container tops). (Unrelated note: if you are trying to remove mold, you should not use more bleach than 10% because more than that destroys the natural Ph balance and causes the mold to grow back more voraciously -- things you learn while trying to earn money in graduate school by working for a company whose primary focus is measuring the potency of shower-stall mold and the lead content in housepaint). Additionally, I have spent the week with NUDE toenails in preparation for my 6th anniversary this weekend. I felt that they needed some vitamin D from the sunlight before the Big Night. We've got a babysitter and it was just payday. That is not a good combination from Dave Ramsey's perspective.

Finally, I should leave you with a few Goosequotes:

  • The only option is to eat first and then wash hands.
  • Look right, look left, no cars or trucks! It's safe!
  • I'm up! I almost slept all day! I want a popsicle! Howbout that choice?
  • Hey! Look at that royal blue New Holland tractor with the attachment! Is a harrowing tool! Is a seed drill? I think it maybe just be a bush-hog. Mom, do you know about Grandaddy's orange Kubota tractor with the bush-hog? Dad hook up the bush-hog and hadda sneeze.
  • You're a sweet girl Mom. I love you too.

Who EVER would call this age "terrible"? I think it's lovely. I really do. Call me crazy, but I love the tantrums where he slaps his own legs and screams "NO, WE DON'T WANNA WASH HAIR! MAYBE ANNUNNA NIGHT!" or how about those precious moments when he accuses me of pushing him down? Yeah. Haven't figured that out yet, but how disconcerting when your child accuses you of hurting him on purpose and then demands that you sit in time out. Any advice on that would be greatly appreciated.

Happy Summer ... it's here!

See you next week,

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Thursday Night Special

As I was recounting our playground experience to The Dad tonight over homemade pizza, this is how the conversation morphed into our nightly comedy club routine:

Me: Sometimes when we’re tired, we don’t make good decisions, do we Bud?

Bud: It’s a big BANDAID!

Dad: Ain’t nothin’ better’n’a big bandaid is there Bud?

Bud: How would YOU know that?

A lot of conversations revolve around bandaids these days, since I had a mole maliciously scraped off of my leg by an evil female who told me that I had “chronic sun damage.” Why in the world would I have chronic sun damage? I mean, I would never have done anything stupid like bake myself on a sheet of tinfoil on top of my trampoline while slathered in cooking oil, would I? No, of course not.


So far, the bandaids have done more of a number on my leg (and my mood) than the actual wound itself. And please, if y’all ever get a mole cut off, don’t even think about using Neosporin. Make sure that you use Polysporin. It’s very important that you ONLY use Polysporin and wash with soap and water. No PEROXIDE! Peroxide contributes more to scarring. But more importantly, do not, under any circumstances (even duress by a 2.5 year old) buy Backyardigans bandaids. Just go ahead and assume that you are allergic to latex (and The Backyardigans) and get some fabric ones. They’ll still rip your skin off when you remove them, but at least you’ll only have a reaction to the ripping and the adhesive rather than the ripping, the adhesive, and the material.

Brian informed me the other day that this year we paid for medical and dental insurance solely for me. I have been to the doctor more times and had more procedures than the two of them combined in the last five years (which includes one of them's entire life). And usually my bills are between $250 and $500 no matter whether it’s my ring toe or my 17th molar. And when you combine the 17th and 19th then it usually moves into quadruple digits. Luckily, we’re high rollers.

Anywho …

Last weekend we attended the Pace Family Reunion at Turkey Creek Water Park in Newton, MS. Here are a few photos of the event:

The Pavilion

Above, The Pavilion.

A Flatuglance

A Flatuglance

Big Man & Grandaddy

Big Man & Grandaddy

Strike a pose

Ken, Ouida, Kathy, Macy

Just after the joke about nude baptism

Marie and Husband, just after the joke about nude baptism.

Let me teetee by this tree

Don't ask.

It begs to be said: A good time was had by all.

Of course, there was life after the reunion ...

This is where you put the gas

"This is where you put the gas."

pick up pinecones and put them in the trailer

Grandaddy put him to work picking up pinecones with The Pinecone Picker Upper. Macy and Uncaloo watch.


The reunion food hits.

Two Retired Sista Girls

Two retired sista girls

Ice Cream on the steps

Stuffing their faces with Ice Cream. It begs to be capitalized.

Hand holdin' with Macy

Hand holdin' with Macy.

Pine Tree, Jupiter, Moon

Pine tree, Jupiter, Moon

He was crying to stay when we left, so we reminded him that Macy and Grandaddy (and everyone else we love) all live under the same moon. That kept him thinking for a while on the drive home.

And that's about all from these parts. Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

He ain't no stinkin' vegetarian

But he is a gymnast:

But he is a gymnast

Here I am again. I love vacations! It's just a license to upload and crop and reduce the redeye and comment on on ridiculous photos of All In The Family. I swore to myself I was going to do something for ME such as continue to practice the five guitar chords that my poor, 20-years-of-piano-lessons fingers can muster. But alas, that lasted all of five minutes and here I sit again cropping, reducing, uploading, and commenting.

So I've been off for a couple weeks now and have made two road trips. Another one is coming up tomorrow ... the maternal family reunion at Turkey Creek Water Park: Grandaddy's big event wherein 1,046 lemons are squeezed and a good time is had by ALL PACES EVERYWHERE (except those in correctional facilities). Expect more pictures before next Thursday since I'm on vacation until June 4th.

It's lucky for me that I have some time off because life has been throwing lots of busyness in my direction. You'd think that after earning a master's degree one would be able to juggle lots of things since one is able to do lots of academic tasks with utmost ease. However, family life (real life) proves to be much more challenging than all of my 20-something years of school combined. And speaking of school ... I'm now approaching my junior year at the JEB University, where my major is (currently) potty training with a minor in Remaining Calm Under Verbal Assault. He turned 32 months yesterday.

And on Tuesday he "graduated" from the Toddler Twos class! They gave us a composite picture of all the students and teachers, a photo album of "Memorable Moments Throughout the Year," and enough ice cream with M&Ms (or cherries, or strawberry preserves, or butterscotch topping and whipped cream in one of those special foamy, aerosol, one-two-punch-to-the-ozone-layer cans). Sorry, Al, I had two bowls. Even the lactose-intolerant Dad had some.

Here's the cutest picture we got:

Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Boys

Bad, bad, bad, bad boys. You make me feel so good.

That's Warren. The other day when The Goose was extremely annoyed at me he, through crocodile tears, cried, "I WANT WARREN!!!!"

Everyday they both get their blankies taken away and usually one of them pushes down Eli or Samuel (who refuses to wear anything except steel-toed cowboy boots). When I picked him up from school last week and asked about his deportment, Mrs. Lorene said, "Well, he's very social and he hasn't yet developed a sense of appropriate distance in terms of personal space, but he can say lots of things that I am surprised about."

Hmmm ...

What could those things be? Might they be things such as ...

  • "We don't needa wash hands. Just eat first. Ravioli and popsicles. Then we wash hands after the veejo (video)."
  • "It's the rule! We don't hafta hold hands in a parking lot. It's the rule."
  • "First we eat goldfish then we eat oatmeal. How 'bout that choice?"

But the linguistic development which most fascinates me now is QUESTION FORMATION. The main reason this is intriguing to me is because it's so similar to the problems that my students face. He doesn't switch the subject and verb in questions with single main or modal verbs. For example, he'll say, "I can have anunna popsicle now?" He's got the intonation down (yay for suprasegmentals!), but the word order is difficult.

In other news ...

I'm addicted to selling household items on Craigslist. So far I have sold a used crib, the mattress, a fondue set, and am waiting to hear about pending sales of our second refrigerator and a bike rack. Now I see how my friend Emily makes her living!

And so that's all for now dear reader. More is to come soon, be sure of it. After all, idle hands are the devil's workshop.

He wanted siblings so ...

He put Big Dog and Big Ted on the stairs and said, "These are my brothers."

But he's not biased ... next he said, "These are my sisters."


Can y'all tell I'm on vacation right now?

The Duet

The Duet
Originally uploaded by Kimmy Crack Corn.
We found him a guitar for $5 at the Goodwill. Here we were doing "Angel from Montgomery." We're also good at "I've Had the Time of My Life" from the movie Dirty Dancing, and "Just You and I" by Eddie Rabbit (a duet with Crystal Gayle). Good thing we live in Music City.

My singing drives him to drink

Lately when I'm singing/humming in the kitchen, he'll say, "Don't do dat Mama, I'm drinking (or eating)."

Yesterday when I asked him what I should sing, he said, "Don't sing every all Mama. How 'bout that choice?" (Note: he means "at all" ... I'm not sure how "every" got involved.)

Sunday, May 13, 2007


It has been brought to my attention that there was an error in the post about my mom's retirement, which, by the way, wasn't really published in the Newton Record ... she wrote that autobiography as a joke for her coworkers. And therein lies the mistake, because I, of course, embellished the piece a little by adding that she is serving on the Newton Arts Commission ... she is actually only CONSIDERING serving in that capacity ... she was invited to a meeting but declined her first invitation. One doesn't want to overload oneself immediately upon becoming work free!

That's all for now.

Happy Mother's Day to all!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Cousin Turns One


We've had lots of big events in our lives lately: Macy's retirement and Jack's first birthday. I can't even begin to recall all of the memorable moments, so for now I"ll just post some pictures.

First, The Birthday Boy (left). Born on Cinco de Mayo, JBP is a fiery one. He's my only nephew and The Goose's only cousin, so it's important to document this milestone as carefully as possible:

Before the party, it's important to mow the grass:

Mowing with a Grandpa-in-Law

Then there should be a lovely and delicious cake. Nanny made a white baseball cake with red stitching:

Good cake

Everyone enjoyed a bit:


The Men especially liked it.

more cake

And in addition to cake, there was a Scooby Doo pinata:

Pinata fun

The party was fun, even though the Birthday Boy's Mom didn't have such a great attitude:

The Mother of a 1YO

After the party, everyone felt dirty:


The next day, the birthday fam needed time to relax:

The Birthday Fam

But most important, of course, were the gifts, which were used the very next day:


Here's the Big "One" Man himself, sporting a button-up (and an attitude) in his new Radio Flyer wagon.

Happy Birthday Jack!

Click here to see more.

After 47 Years ...

She finally RETIRED! This was the article that ran in the Newton Record the week before:

Mary Carol began her long and illustrious career at Newton County Bank on September 1, 1959 as a mere child, making a starting salary of $160 per month. Sensing her capabilities, her supervisors immediately gave her the task of posting and filing checks. Having proven herself dependable, she was soon entrusted with the responsibility of going across the street to Miley's Grocery on a daily basis to purchase snacks for everyone. During her tenure at NCB, she witnessed many "happenings" in the life of the bank, including the great fire of December 1974.

Her service has been continuous with a brief maternity leave of one month upon the arrival of her daughter, Kimberly. She also missed work for shorter periods when she had her hysterectomy and gall bladder operations. Being such a dedicated and devoted employee, she continued to work while being plagued with a horrendous case of shingles at which time she could only wear loose-fitting clothes. She also continued to work with a stress fracture in her foot, incurred by so many trips across the lobby to the note department, not to mention the many work-related paper cuts, bad-hair, and-one-earring-doesn’t-match-the-other days. Perhaps evidence of her loyalty was most pronounced when she had the unfortunate fall of 2001 in the bank lobby several years ago, just before her daughter’s wedding. She suffered a cut on her left cheek that required several stitches which were covered with a large bandage with a neon green tab -- but did she take time off work? NO, she continued to greet customers in this humiliating state, all the time answering the questions of "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" Mary Carol also survived a kitten attack on the bank's premises which resulted in a trip to the doctor for a shot (appropriately filed under Workman's Comp).

Girls at the Bank

During their careers, she and Sherryl have been selected on numerous occasions to attend exciting loan documentation meetings in Jackson, MS.

After retirement, Mary Carol plans to, first and foremost, spend more time with her #1 daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. Additionally she will keep busy serving on the Newton Arts Commission, the Fix-Up Pappaw’s House Committee, and teaching the 5-year old Sunday School class at her church.

Fun with a hose and a Macy

Tired Party Attendees (Retirement Party Attendees)

Sunday Lunch with ICE CREAM