Couch Potatoes

Well, Chris has come and gone again and left a quiet house behind. I mean, "quiet" is relative, but usually after 8:30ish it's pretty quiet except when Chris is here. This year, one of his more endearing after-hours habits was to practice pick-up lines ... every few minutes he'd say, "Hey Kim! Listen to THIS one!" He is a full-fledged teenager now.

In my opinion, these are his top three:

#3. Chris says, "Did it hurt?" Girl says, "Did what hurt?" Chris says, "When you fell from heaven?"

#2. Chris says, "You remind me of a parking ticket ... you got FINE written all over you."

drumroll ...

#1. Chris says, "Have I seen you before? Oh yeah, I saw your picture in the dictionary next to 'Bah-BLAM!'"

In case y'all don't know, Chris is Brian's former 4th grade student from Flagstaff who is now 14.

He comes to visit every summer and does the Junior Ranger Program and entertains my child while I practice my gourmet cooking, gardening, and party hostessing. And speaking of the latter ...

We were going to have a "Going Away" party. We invited lots of people. But then we decided not to go away, but we had already invited and planned -- so, we felt the best solution was just to rename the party. We had a "Going to Stay" party ...

After we pigged out on a delicious potluck of party food (most of which was not actually potluck, but rather, can be described as "A nervous breakdown waiting for Kim to embrace it in all its glory (i.e., an appetizer menu from an article entitled, "Even YOU Can Throw a Party," which I happened upon in one of the latest Oprah magazines. This lovely (and EASY!) spread included ... assorted Spanish olives, a cheese tray (including Manchego, Camembert, and smoked gouda), Anaconda almonds (or something like that), and empanadas with a filling of goat cheese & roasted red peppers. In my opinion, Oprah needs a new editor. Anyone who can use the word "easy" in the same article with any mention of an empanada should be ousted.

But that's not really the point, now is it? The important question is, as always: What is wrong with me?

After the food was eaten ("merely nibbled" is more like it, not that I'm bitter), there was small talk, then Brian's boss left, and then we moved all the furniture out of the living room and had a dance party (which is exactly what Joanna and I used to do every Saturday night of our 7th grade year --- except, of course, when there was a ballgame).

Small talk by Ernie, Chuck, Emily. Ernie is so thin we could hardly recognize him!

Here is Husband and I so wish I could remember what song was playing.

Chris, Casey, Emily, doing the "Cholo" (note: a "cholo," according to Chris, is a Mexican gangsta).

L.A. dancing to "Celebration" (Yes. The one by Kool and the Gang -- we have their greatest hits).

El Conquistador and the infamous SHANE participating in a sitting-down dance called "Dorky White Wannabe Gangstas."

At one point during the night Brian and I did an interpretive duet to "Just You and I" by Eddie Rabbit & Crystal Gayle, and then L.A. and I clogged barefooted to John Denver. Conveniently, there are no pictures of those precious times.

In other news, I grow flowers, Brian polices possums, and John talks nonstop.

Unfortunately, I only have a picture of the flowers, not the talking. Nevertheless, I can provide a few choice quotes from the last couple weeks:

• Mom, what did you gotfor this time? (He means "forgot")
• Don't do dat door frame! Dass not nice and I don't wanna see dat addatude. (Chastising inanimate objects has become quite the pasttime these days ... like, for example, if he walks by a door frame and bumps his shoulder, then a quote like that would follow.)
• We needa eat first and then we wash our hands -- it's NOT THE ONLY OPTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (a nightly pre-dinner ritual)
• We had a good day ... where did we go-oh? (do the "go-oh" in a sing-song voice)
• Uh-oh. I needa go poop in a potty. (He did it once! Unprompted! Just ran in there and sat down, but the next morning he went back to the usual routine.) I promised him an all-you-can-eat buffet of fudgesicles if he'd replicate that act, but all he said was, "I pooped in the potty last night. Now I can play soccer." We've been telling him that when he's three and he poops in the potty THEN he can play soccer. I think we should've been more clear about how many times that event needed to occur. Anyway, I've already called First Pres about their preschool athletics program.

The only other thing I have to say about that child is, "Let the bandaid obsessions begin." Currently he is fixated on Backyardigans bandaids. He is only allowed one a day for his knee (which would heal if would stop picking the scab). We're not sure who he got that trait from Amy.

And now goodnight it's time to sleep.