One of my Ethiopian students was making a presentation on the Queen of Sheba, and she had a lovely PowerPoint presentation to accompany her talk. About halfway into it, I noticed that throughout her PowerPoint was the phrase "Ark of the Covenient." Of course no one else noticed this, so I let it go.
But I can't help but wonder what the Ten Convenient Commandments might look like ... though I fear in pondering that (or -- worse -- posting it on the Internet) might be breaking the one about not using God's name in inappropriate ways. Especially under the current situation in our country, where end-time prophecies are dangerously close to fulfillment, one wants to remain as chaste as possible.
In other news ...
It never fails that if I post something about improved behavior then we have a bit of a setback. Is setback the right word? Maybe not, since it implies going in reverse to a past time, and though I often dream about that during every new turn of the growing-up dial, I don't think it's that. It's more like a new committment on the part of my child to find different and innovative ways to torture me. Yes. That's more like it ... it's not the same old tricks. These are tricks in their infancy, developing daily into quirkier patterns, threatening what little sanity remains.
How to name this? Hmmm ...
The phrase wild screaming comes to mind.
As does unrequited thrashing & demonic writhing.
I'm usually threatened in a way that precludes a sticker, an M&M, or some cheetos. As in, "Mom, if you don't stop that, then you're not gonna get a treat."
Most of this errant behavior occurs around bath/shower time and the subsequent outfitting that follows.
For three nights now he has howled for the entire duration of the shower and/or bath. Sometimes there is an injury that is being exacerbated by the soapy water. Other times he just doesn't want some certain body part washed. And then there are the issues of tile destruction through splash damage. One night I even stooped so low as to tell him that he was decreasing the value of our home by messing up the ONE bathroom. He just smiled and dumped another cup of water onto the bathmat.
After we wrestle him out of the tub, he proceeds to plunder through his underwear drawer in search of "4s" underwear. We only have one pair of 4s underwear, so this is often disappointing.
Underwear issues are oft followed by bottoms drama and long parental diatribes wherein Mama waxes philosophic about the dangers of wearing clothes out of the hamper, the importance of cleanliness, and the positive qualities of pajama bottoms (as opposed to jean shorts).
Thanks to the grandmothers, we now have enough jean shorts to make it about four days, so Thursday nights are usually rough in terms of clothes selection. As he attempts, post-bath, to find an outfit which he will sleep in and wear to school the following day (his own ritual, not mine, though BRILLIANT in terms of saving time in the a.m.), there is sometimes trouble. A suitable outfit can only consist of some combination of the following: basketball shorts (of which we have 3 pair), soccer shorts (1 pair), or blue jean shorts (4), paired with a shirt that has either a number, a race car, or a large piece of dangerous machinery. These are the only options.
And in case you're wondering, none of this is convenient. And come to think of it, a lot of it isn't really honoring me. But that's another issue.
And finally, there is the matter of Spearmint Gum Puppy. SGP is an alter ego that appears during snacktime, demanding puppy treats to be served in a puppy bowl on the floor. Even the neighbors enjoy snacking in this manner.
And with that, dear friends, you've earned dismissal.
Onward, upward, sideways, and backward,
k
1 comment:
Dang it - it was supposed to be over by four. You promised! You mean I have to reset my countdown ticker now?
The Basha's new argument technique is to just loudly say "WHAT?!" when we ask him to do something.
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