John loves Chris; Jack loves banana bread

There are way too many children in my house for me to post anything substantive. Just click HERE for pictures and wait patiently until they leave and I become normal again.

Oh, and pray.

Puppets & Other Normal Everyday Things

Nanny made this puppet!
Originally uploaded by Kimmy Crack Corn

Well. Let's see. Nanny and Grampy are visiting. Chris is here too. I accepted a job at NSCC and we're not going to Turkey. Amy's coming next week. We had Ginger Soy Chicken for dinner (on a bed of lettuce with a side of sticky rice).

Nothing much else to say. Everything is normal Normal NORMAL! Just the way we like it.

More to come after I finish this online teaching mess ...

The End

by Kimmy

A Much Less Exciting Week (in a good way)

Oh yes. I'll take stomach bugs and post-shampoo fun with a fine-tooth comb anyday over broken windows and police/librarian reports. This week has brought puking (his word) and the incessant repetition of the word (phrase?) "poo-poo." And that is just fine.

On the Language Acquisition Front there has been a new development. Are you ready for this?

Drumroll ...

PRESENT PERFECT PROGRESSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

For example:

• "I've been mowing the grass."

• "That deer's been standing in the front yard without a mama."

• "I've been hanging upside down."

• Dad's been jackhammering in the garage."

• I've been puking over the side [of the recliner]."

(Note: This is after he had already puked (past perfect with medial adverb) several times.

He hasn't quite learned yet about the differences between "since" and "for" (usually those are used with the tense described above), but hey! just the triple-word verb phrase is advanced enough for me. He's progressing nicely with his presently perfect linguistic developments.

Tell me that you picked up on that pun. Can you call that a pun? You can probably call it a lot of other things too ... particularly things related to the author.

NOTE: If you are only interested in my child, then you can stop reading now.

So, mostly I've been teaching grammar to kids who are headed for nervous breakdowns before their freshman year of college. There are days when I think about sending them emails that say something nasty like, "Why don't you diagram this command-form sentence: Go outside and play." But I don't. Because Lord knows that their parents would probably fly down here and take me to court. Poor little Troy from Connecticut (ahem) called and left a message the other night saying that I had posted his essay in the workshop (for peer editing) with all the wrong paragraph breaks and that he thought this may have affected the questions I posed for the class to answer ... particularly the one about the placement of his thesis statement ... and could I please "remedy the problem at my earliest convenience?" So I tried to remedy it as best I could, but I couldn't delete the posting ... I could only re-post another copy of his essay with the CORRECT paragraph breaks (and the same question about the thesis, because that question had absolutely nothing to do with HIM but rather with the curriculum requirements). So I emailed him to explain that I had remedied my little heart out despite my inability to delete the original. And he replied with the very helpful information that I should write to the JHU/CTY customer service desk and that they could help me with that technical problem right away. There is a two-word adjective for children like this, but my mama brought me up better than to post it out loud on the World Wide Web. If you can guess, I'll volunteer to help you with all the verb conjugations and sentence diagramming dilemmas in your life.

And speaking of my skills ...

I just discovered that you can post "Will trade X for Y" ads on Craigslist. I'm thinking of posting something like "Will trade English grammar lessons for any of the following: pedicures, childcare, kitchen mopping, spider-web removal, dishwasher fixing, or information regarding acquiring a work visa in Turkey."

And on that note ... as some of you already know ... we are planning a major adventure for the fall which involves selling our car, storing our furniture, and temporarily moving to Istanbul where I have acquired a job at Bilgi University. There. The announcement.

But the progress is slow as it involves two countries' governments and this is doing a number on my fragile mental health. Luckily, I am medicated.

So, that's all. Tah-tah.

Happy 5th

I'm a day late. Oh well, at least my child is no longer locked in the windows-rolled-up car while all the patrons at our local branch library gawk as the policeman arrives -- sirens blaring -- to break the window and retrieve him.

Oh yes, I did that. It took three calls to 911, four different borrowed cell phones, 25 awful minutes, and a pipe wrench to get him out. And boy did he come out swinging. Yelled at the officer for "hurting my ears and making that big mess." Yelled! I just let him yell.

Clencher #1: There was an extra key in a magnetized box under the car which I knew about. Panic invokes forgetfullness, apparently.

Clencher #2: Before our tofu stir fry tonight (which was flavored with mamatears), he said thank you for "that policeman who hadda break the glass." Then he said, "I'm sorry I cried, Mama. It was my fault."

Now there is a broken window and a broken heart and only one of those is covered by insurance. Send cucumbers and tea bags, because my poor eyelids may never be the same.

But all is well and he got two Capri Suns, some new crayons, and a horse picture out of the deal. I got twenty-six gray hairs, some wrinkles, and the scare of a lifetime. Not to diminish The Goose's experience, but mostly he was concerned about our inability to clean it up in a timely manner ("Where's the shop vac? Let's call Dadda.") and the loud noise of glass breaking. The librarians lauded him as "brave" and "heroic" as they were writing up their report alongside the policeman. And him sitting there sucking down that high fructose corn syrup, wearing the muddiest rain boots you have ever seen in the middle of a drought.

In other news ... we had a nice visit with Macy & Grandaddy last weekend:

We went to the aquarium and had lots of puppet shows.

The puppet shows were encouraged by Macy, who, as a young mother of a Me, was constantly begged to make various animals "talk." This is how a puppet show goes in our house:

Goose: "Let's have a puppet show. I'm the Puppet Ear."

Adult: "OK, what are the rules?"

Goose: "No crying. No walking around. No escalators. No phones."

He then proceeds to take the one and only puppet (a pink bunny rabbit from Steinmart) and dances it around for approximately 7.6 seconds while going "da da da da da dah." Then you're supposed to clap. And it starts all over. Fun! I've got to remember to videotape it. But since I cannot even remember how to find VERY IMPORTANT KEYS HIDDEN FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF UNLOCKING THE CAR, I can't advise any breath holding.

I need sleep. And a new brain and some eyelids while you're at it.

Happy Independence.